Feelings of Failure.

Yesterday was one of those days. You know the ones, where you eat and eat and eat and figure because you have eaten and eaten and eaten that it doesn't really matter anyway? Yeah that was the type.

I keep thinking that I need to write on here. I am sure it isn't because anybody is reading this blog, because I am sure the lack of posts has killed any sort of following, but it probably has to do with me struggling lately. I really just have the attitude of, "well, I am doing well right now and my metabolism is good and I have made it a year in maintenance so I can just play a little." That works a little bit for me. I can play a bit more than I used to be able to while trying to lose weight, but the playing usually adds up over about three weeks and I have to really watch it when it is closer to the first weigh in of the month and worry that I will be over my goal when I weigh in, because I am about two pounds over the two weeks before.

Then I sit around and think: "Is maintenance about going up a few pounds and then buckling back a few pounds to hit the goal at the beginning of the month? Or is maintenance about being the same exact weight from week to week? "

So far for me, maintaining my weight is about being in a range, not a set number. I wish there were some experts who could tell me that this is okay and I could be a little more at ease in my journey to maintain my weight.

I didn't realize that after getting to be my skinny self, there would still be a lot of work to not become chubby again! SIGH.

Support Group

One of the ways I have been successful is to have a good support group. I have found that if I surround myself with people who are positive and who will give me help when needed, I do better. I have also found that I need to keep pessimistic people away from me. I don't need people who will bring me down.

At work, I have snack buddies. These are people who will monitor my food intake. They aren't nags and they don't tell me what to do, but they actually will NOTICE what I am doing. I also have people who will share snacks with me. It is always better to eat half a donut rather than the whole thing, right?

I have a friend here right now and we are horrible supports for each other, right now. We think it is fine to eat and eat because it is "vacation." I need to get out of this mindset and get back on track! But it may be very hard before I get back to Utah and a routine! I also am not a very good support right now because I actually can eat more and am a bit more flexible while in maintenance. So when I want ice cream, I usually eat it!

So, there is the first post about my list of ten things that have helped me be successful. And I even have come up with #10: Ask for help when you need it.!

Whew and a list...

Hi guys. I don't write on here nearly enough. Especially, because I really think I should write a book about my story. It really is a story of triumph. Anyway, I weighed in today and was a little scared, it being the first weigh in of the month. Meaning, if I am over my goal weight by two pounds, then I pay. Well, apparently all my worrying and being very on top of what I was eating paid off because I actually have lost two pounds since last week(maybe wearing lighter clothes helped a little, just sayin'). I had been playing too much the past two weeks and had gained four pounds.

Anyway, my friend has asked me to do a littler presentation at church about my journey. I have come up with a list of nine things that have made me successful at losing weight and for maintaining it the past few months. Here is the list, and I hope to round it out to a list of ten, but this is what I got right now:

1. Tracking all the food I eat and exercise I do.
2. Knowing it's a journey
3. Do not deprive yourself
4. Exercise
5. Drink lots of fluid
6. Veggies and fruit are your friend
7. Controlling my environment
8. Planning ahead
9. Having a support group

Any ideas about a good one for number ten? I am going to write a post about each of these so stay tuned! :)

Not as bad as I thought

I weighed in today and had only gained 1.4 pounds in the two weeks of crazy eat like a maniac times! That is much better than when I had stepped on the scale a few days ago and thought it had read 178 which is way out of my range for Lifetime Membership at Weight Watchers.

That had me pretty paniced(see previous post). But I also think panicing sometimes can be an okay thing because then we are motivated to do better, right? I really need to get off this "it is ok to go over by a few points" mentality. If I do that everyday, I will gain weight. I do think that I can do this on occasion though, which is probably why my little head finds it okay at times. Silly Alice!

It was very nice to get back to a meeting. Today they talked about what you can do to fruits and veggies to make nice snacks. My mouth was watering. I love that mellons and berries are in season right now. I am constantly eating fruit! :)Good stuff!

Well, I am back on the tracking wagon and doing better! :)

Struggling...

Alice has been on vacation for the past week and a half and that has not been good for her journey. Alice has gained four pounds. Alice has not gotten to a Weight Watchers meeting for two weeks. Alice feels lost. Alice overeats just because. Alice needs help. Write her a comment encouraging her to get it together. Alice thanks you.

"Never put food in your mouth with food in your mouth!"

I decided today, while in my Weight Watchers meeting, that I should write on here weekly at least.

I am enjoying my meetings here. Seriously, the leader makes a big difference and I have been lucky to have great leaders wherever I have been. The leader here always does parody songs. This week it was a parody of "Frère Jacques". You know the one: "Are you sleeping, are you sleeping? Brother Jack, Brother Jack?" Anyway, she came down the middle isle today singing: "Are you hungry, are you hungry?" And I piped in with "Of course I am, Of course I am." Because, seriously, this girl is always hungry. Food addict, I am!

Basically, we discussed hunger and how we know when we are truly hungry. This really is tricky for lots of people, because we are accustumed to eating ALL. THE. TIME. So we never even have the chance to be hungry. I remember being in tears over some eggs I was frying back when I first started my weight loss journey because it was the first time I actually remembered feeling hungry. I kept saying: "Oh, this is what it is like to be hungry. I feel bad for starving people!" Quite a perspective isn't it? I have learned to listen to my body signals(even if I don't always listen to them!) and feel like I have a better manage on when I am truly hungry and also when I am truly full.

Here are some tips fro me, Little Old Alice, who is still learning lots about herself. If you think you are hungry, take a moment and analyze. Are you willing to eat carrots rather than the potato chips? If you are truly hungry, you will want to carrots. Also, slow down when you are eating. I noticed that my body takes a bit to communicate that it is full and I am often eating really fast. If you eat too fast, your body goes from being hungry to holy cow being majorly full! Listen and be aware of what your body is communicating to you.

So there are your tips of the week that came to mind as I was at my meeting.

I am traveling to Chicago this weekend for a few day visit to the city. I will be seeing two pro baseball games in two days. I will be in heaven, but I am still having a bit of anxiety about food. I know I will be tempted to eat too much. I better pack my running shoes and some healthy snacks! Life is always a challenge when you are trying to be in control of your weight. What a great journey! Cheers!

Fun Quotes and a Summer Hello!

It's been a long time since I posted on here so I thought I would write a little something-something. (I am planning a ten steps to being successful at weight loss, so stay tuned for those posts!)

Here is a favorite quote from my Weight Watchers meeting today: "If you bite it, write it. If you snack it, track it. If you drink it, ink it. If you put it in your smacker, put it in your tracker."

Really, writing down everything I eat makes me accountable and helps me to know what I can eat to maintain my weight and what I cannot eat to maintain my weight.

I am a little stressed about this weekend because it will be a party for my parents 45th wedding anniversary. As with any parties, there will be lots of eating. I may actually let loose a little bit. It is okay to do that sometimes, but I do also have to remember that letting loose all the time is what got me 60 pounds overweight!

I had a really nice complement from my dad today. He said to my brother: "Don't you think Alice looks a little gaunt?" In dad language that means I am looking quite skinny. My brother and sister-in-law saw me for the first time in 2 years and also said very nice things to me. It is times like that that make me remember where I have come from and it also reminds me that I do need to keep working at maintaining because it is totally worth it. Skinny does really feel better than anything tastes...although s'mores are really doing it for me lately. :)

A little more of the journey

So. I went on vacation to California. It was warm and sunny and plain gorgeous.

I ate and ate and ate and then ate some more. I take full responsibility for my actions. I am to blame for the millions of pastries and candies that I ate. I also ate my weight in s'mores. I did it. I am to blame. I was off track and the consequences were the eight pounds I gained while on vacation.

So here I am wanting to hit my head against the wall and am disappointed in myself. I feel weak and like I am out of control. I really need to reboot and do better. I have decided that from here to May 28(the day I plan on heading to Wisconsin for the summer) I will track everything I eat. If I don't know what the PointPlus value(Weight Watchers lingo!) is for the food I cannot eat it. I really need to get those eight pounds off and figure out exactly what I can eat to maintain.

So, there is a good thing that came out of all this madness, I do have a new determination to be on track and figure out maintenance.

The new best fad diet...

...prep for a colonoscopy!

I was down 8 pounds at one point yesterday. This really is no way to lose weight. It totally drained me and was not a joy. Just sayin'.

Hmmm...So You'e Saying This is a Journey?

I have known all along that this whole weight loss thing was a journey. I always had it in the back of my mind that I was going to go slow and I didn't have to lose quickly. I was on a path and I was determined to enjoy the journey. I experienced amazing success during the eleven months journey.

The funny thing about this whole experience is that once I hit that goal weight, I almost felt as if my journey was over. That goal weight was always my end point and what I was focused on and heading toward. So, really, mentally I was thinking that the journey was to a certain number of pounds. In reality, this didn't hold true. The whole goal should have been: "I am going to get to a healthy weight and then maintain it FOREVER."

Maintenance is a whole new journey. For some reason, it is a whole lot harder than I had ever imagined. I am totally still in my weight range and have been maintaining for about two months, but it still is a whole lot of work. I HAVE to keep doing exactly what I was doing before to lose weight but now the focus is to maintain. I attend my weekly Weight Watchers meeting, I track everything I eat, I track what activity I am doing, and I work hard to curb my never ending urge to eat the world's supply of chocolate and french fries. I have not reached the end of my journey, just a little milestone or mile marker on the road trip. (Don't you love the travel analogy here?)

I can totally see why people stop and start gaining all the weight back they lost back. I think it is natural to think that you reached the end of the journey. The problem lies in the fact that if you are a foodaholic, then you will always be one. It is very similar to being an alcoholic. You can overcome the addiction and rehab, but the temptation will always be there. You must constantly work to deal with that temptation in order to remain sober or in a foodaholic's case: skinny. I think a food addition is even harder because you really do have to eat in order to survive(sometimes I actually go to bed with the thought that I need to sleep so I can wake up and eat again. Silly!). With drinking you can avoid the bars and never buy the stuff for at home. I tell people all the time that I go to WW instead of AA.

Those candy bars are still my problem. I was thinking about them today. I just need to manage them better. It is okay to eat them on occasion but I definitely shouldn't be having them everyday. I had some today and yesterday. I like chocolate, but I do not like it enough to constantly be overeating. I like my new jeans and clothes. They keep me focused now!

Good Quote

One of my friends had this on her facebook wall. I thought it was appropriate:

“Strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of those pieces”

Of course my new goal is to have the strength for the next week at least, to have NONE!!!

Get that CANDY out of my face!!

I have to admit a huge weakness that I am facing. There are two huge bags of little candy bars in my desk drawer in my office. I thought I had good willpower, but I totally have been eating at least five a day. I need to stop this habit. I actually gained two pounds since last week. It could have something to do with eating out three times last week too. I need to get back on it and eat less chocolate and exercise more. Next week is another first of the month weigh in and if I gain two pounds I will have to pay and that is not what I want to happen. I am getting back on the wagon!

Meetings a bit South of Here.

Well, have I told you that I am now traveling to get to my weekly Weight Watcher meetings? Well, I am. When my leader told me she would no longer be teaching in Provo at night, I knew I had to catch her meeting down south. It takes about 22 minutes when traffic is good. At five when I go, it takes 45. Totally worth every single minute to get there. She is a major player in my success and so I make a small sacrifice to get to one of her meetings.

Tonight was fun because I totally mocked her (I don't even feel bad because she can dish it out just as well.) Anyway, one of the coolest things about her is that she is totally real and faces challenges with following the plan like the rest of us. Monday she ate like three times more than what her daily allotment is. The cool thing is that she was totally open and honest about it and even included it on her blog. Read about it HERE! And instead of giving up, she just gets right back on the wagon! Anyway, I made her a certificate that basically was an award for eating so much in one day. In her own words, it read: "The most PPV ever recorded and published publicly." Hilarious. The pic is of Marion after meeting tonight.

I am maintaining well. My body seems like like a certain weight lately, even when I am not trying all that hard to keep it there, and even after Vegas where I ate some very tasty but not so good for me food. We will see if it maybe shows up next week. I think being active is truly a key to success when it comes to maintenance. If I can keep that metabolism up, I gain some flexibility in what I can intake. It is a good deal. Today I did not run because I ran two days in a row and my left hamstring is a bit sore. Silly.

Well, the journey is still fun. I am glad that I have decided to continue to go to meetings even though I technically only have to weigh in and attend once a month. I think that is another key to success. Well, I better sleep. Cheers!

One Year Ago...

One year ago today, I attended my very first Weight Watchers meeting. It really is crazy to think how much has changed in one tiny year. I have learned so much about me and have become so much more healthy both physically and emotionally. Sure I am not perfect but I have come a long way. In honor of today, I included some before and after pics of me! Enjoy and happy One Year Anniversary to me!