Feelings of Failure.

Yesterday was one of those days. You know the ones, where you eat and eat and eat and figure because you have eaten and eaten and eaten that it doesn't really matter anyway? Yeah that was the type.

I keep thinking that I need to write on here. I am sure it isn't because anybody is reading this blog, because I am sure the lack of posts has killed any sort of following, but it probably has to do with me struggling lately. I really just have the attitude of, "well, I am doing well right now and my metabolism is good and I have made it a year in maintenance so I can just play a little." That works a little bit for me. I can play a bit more than I used to be able to while trying to lose weight, but the playing usually adds up over about three weeks and I have to really watch it when it is closer to the first weigh in of the month and worry that I will be over my goal when I weigh in, because I am about two pounds over the two weeks before.

Then I sit around and think: "Is maintenance about going up a few pounds and then buckling back a few pounds to hit the goal at the beginning of the month? Or is maintenance about being the same exact weight from week to week? "

So far for me, maintaining my weight is about being in a range, not a set number. I wish there were some experts who could tell me that this is okay and I could be a little more at ease in my journey to maintain my weight.

I didn't realize that after getting to be my skinny self, there would still be a lot of work to not become chubby again! SIGH.